Facing my barriers from happiness

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves." - James M. Barrie (yes, I know, he wrote Peter Pan- he's fabulous.)

Today I have a random Staff Development Day, so I don't have to work. For whatever reason that is, I am grateful because I really needed time to detox from my party heavy birthday weekend. Well folks, I'm in the third decade of my life now. I am officially 30 years old according to public record. What a grand 30 years it's been. I am at a point in my life where I look good, I feel good and I'm finally starting to be at peace with myself.

When I was little, I thought chronological age must be tied to experience and maturity. It's now clicking that those two things are not related to age at all. I've got a really slow learning curve. Anyway, I spent the weekend of my birthday (which was yesterday) with family and friends, good food, dancing and general happiness. I don't think I've felt so loved and cared about in my entire life. It makes me get kinda choked up thinking about it.

I have always had a hard time celebrating myself and seeing the good in myself. I don't necessarily know why, but I just always have. I think it's taken me until now to realize that all the good things that I see in others, they see that in me too. I like JM Barrie's quote because it made me realize that as I bring sunshine, I will get it back. This is a good thing, as I constantly strive for sunshine and feeling loved and cared about.

I have a person in my life who is pretty close to me. We have had some good chats and I know that he cares a lot about me and is helping and empowering me to face my limiting beliefs and problems and work through them. He believes in me and knows that I can do it and wants to help. I care about him a ton, but struggle expressing it (see problems). I am just beginning to work on my limiting beliefs and I feel like I'm not going to move anywhere until get through at least some of them. He gave me a formula to work from and I'm gonna try it. Although it's been about a week since we talked and his explanation is getting kind of hazy. Guess I'll just have to talk with him again. Why is it so hard to go to people for help, even though you know they've been willing to help you before? shrugs